God's Patient Grace
Not what I am
But what I shall be
When God's patient grace is finished in me
This is the hope that carries me on
Knowing someday the work will be done.
Chorus: God's patient grace working in me
Has changed me from what I used to be
God's patient grace working in me
Will make me someday in His image complete.
Closer each day the brighter it seems
As God's patient grace keeps working in me
Continuing on until I shall find
My Lord's will in me is totally mine.
God established a relationship with me when I was 17. My exposure to Inter-Varsity Christian Fellowship and my church helped me to be grounded in God's Word. Through my university years, God moulded me, developed my talents, and used me in the many ministries that were available at that time.
After I graduated, I went to Iligan City, and worked at National Steel Corporation. Working in a secular world, feminism slowly crept into my heart. I was so focused on my career. I was determined and dedicated my time to work. Oftentimes, after I got married, I even brought work at home.
Having my weekdays filled with work, during weekends, I was active in the new church in which my husband was a member. I taught Sunday school, helped in the youth ministry and in other various ministries. I enrolled a few subjects in its Bible Institute. I was full of energy and enthusiasm as I involved myself. My reputation in church was "good". Nobody knew the issues of my heart.
When I was heavy with Kezah, God placed us in a difficult situation. At this time, we were living in a new area where there was no public transport. It would take 15 minutes walk till one can find one. As I walked, I started talking to God. My prayer would go like this : "Lord why am I experiencing all these? Why did You allow Ren to have psoriasis? Why did You choose him to suffer an illness that is incurable? Because of his illness, I am suffering too. O, Lord, I can't endure it anymore. I feel like the burden is too heavy for me to bear. And it seems like there is no end to this..." On and on I kept murmuring until I find transport.
It was only when I was in the class of Christian Character that I realized the extent of my bitterness towards God. I was full of self-pity and pride, causing my heart to harden. Instead of praying that God will heal my husband, I began asking God to change my heart. I asked Him to soften my heart, to make it willing to be taught.
Everytime I finished my lesson in Christian Character, I could feel my heart aching, I could feel His sword dig into my heart, convicting me of my filthiness. I knew that my attitude was horrible and was affecting every part of my life. My heart was deeply pierced. Tears always blurred my vision as I spent most times with God repenting of what I was inside.
When the semester was over, I gave my testimony in between sobs. I shared that it was by His grace that God brought me to the class. He exposed my heart, and gave me a new one.
I would like to dedicate this post to my best friend, my Davidette, my teacher/mentor whom God used mightily.
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